Green Bucket Chairs

So yesterday I returned to the Gym. Well when I say returned I mean returned for the second time. Really I returned two months ago, was thrilled to bits with myself after my stint on the treadmill , walking mind you, and a few little exercises all helped along by my sister who I needed with me for dutch courage . Then low and behold I had a little fall and fractured my ankle. Hence a halt was put to my gym days. Another interruption was my long awaited holiday ( we will talk about that another day ) so yesterday I had to just brave it all alone get the obligatory bottle of water , towel, phone and earphones and face the music.

Sweat only drippin off me before I even went in the door (a car with no air con is just not good in july) and the fear of god that there might be someone I know in there all fit and fab and me more like a big bum and loads of flab.!

So up to the desk , had to explain the whole joined two months ago but haven’t been back and then had to produce the photo I.D for membership card.

Now the photo I.D was a few years old , pre -cancer , so then I felt obliged to explain to the girl that I was recovering from cancer and that was why my hair was like a crows nest on my head and I did not look the same as my I.D.

Sure the young girl just said “awe your grand”. I was nearly going to tell the poor girl that I had the fake boob in if I looked lopsided but thankfully I stopped talking in time.

A few minutes later I was back on the treadmill, listening to Fleetwood Mac , trying hard not to get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I kept an eye on the weights area with the easy enough to use weights waiting for it to clear before I went over to try and remember how to use them. After 30 mins on the treadmill ( yay me) the coast was clear so over I went , bulb in the head after my walk but delighted I had the area to myself.

I literally had put my bum on a not very flattering machine and 10 seconds later it seemed every 21 year old in the place had decided to join me, and had to use the machines next to me, facing me, and I swear one kept loitering around my machine waiting for me to finish. I wanted to shout WTF please all go away but tired to play it cool and look like I knew what I was doing.

In fairness I lasted about 10 minutes surrounded by the fit and fab and eventually got my belongings and made my way to the dressing room.

So why Green Bucket Chairs. All the time on the treadmill in my view was a wall painted a luminous green color. The same color as the bucket chairs in the Oncology Out Patient Department where I had sat over a year ago. I sat there full of fear , looking around at everyone else but trying not to look. I sat there wondering who would be the Lucky ones and the not so lucky ones . I sat there trying to make conversation with my husband and sister all the while feeling sick , going through all the scenarios and praying to jesus I would have a chance. And I always wondered why the Bucket chairs were luminous green. Who decided on Luminous Green bucket chairs – were the supposed to be cheerful? Probably more cheep than cheerful I suppose.

So that Green wall in the gym brought me back. I got my bag, swung my towel over my shoulder and left the Gym with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. Big bum and flab was back , I was proud I had faced it alone this time and while I might not be fit and fab, I was here , I was alive, I had a chance , me and the Lonely Boob.