Feeling frightened

Hi all, you know sometimes the wind is taken out of your sails. You are happily trodding along doing your best to live your life with positive vibes, trying to look at cancer as being a pest that invaded you, curled back into its shell like a rotten sneaky snail, and then may or may not peek its head again.

Last weekend a wonderful Irish Journalist, Keelin Shanley passed away. A beautiful lady not much older than myself, having had a breast cancer diagnosis a good number of years ago, a women who felt she had beaten this disease, but a woman who sadly its ugly head just sneakily rose again.

I cried. Selfishly I cried for myself. I cried as when I was in bed recovering from my mastectomy or in bed really sick with chemo, Keelin was one of the women that was my inspiration, my hope. I remember so clearly a realitive of mine trying to be positive and giving me all the examples of people who had “beaten” Cancer. Keelin was one of them.

I pointed Keelin out to my children on the news, telling them this was a lady who had gone through the same cancer as me and how fantastic she looked and was doing.

Keelin was beautiful, elegant, an absolute professional and while I did not know this lady, she seemed like quite simply a lovely person.

I was stunned to hear of Keelins passing. I met a friend today in the same position as myself. She told me that she also cried at Keelins passing, We cried and many more and why?

We cried because, when cancer invades your life you look at anything and everything that gives you hope. You look at all the fruits and veg that are supposed to be anti cancer, you are swallowing the turmeric by the pot, you are drinking Kambuca, eating formented foods and thinking these will all save you from cancer.

But more importantly you are looking at those around you, those maybe in the public domain, or maybe those fighting the battle just like you have, and hoping they will be ok, if they are ok then you will be ok.

And then sometimes it just does not go that way, sometimes the battle quitely fades into the background leaving just memories of that one wonderful person, maybe a person full of life, strength, determination and fight.

That person that gave me hope, gave me belief, gave me strength, and then they are gone and then I am feeling frightened.

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