Hope

Sometimes it is so hard to know what to say and sometimes so easy. Now is a combination of both.

Here we are, all of us together but so far apart, confused, scared, lonely, bored, stressed, emotional but I hope above all hopeful.

Today I sat on my sofa and cried. My mam rang me to say she was feeling unwell, and was going back to bed. My mam lives two minutes away from myself and my two sisters. My mam has numerous underlying health issues, I have a low immune system and my sisters work in different capacities in the hse. ( I cannot find words enough to praise them right now). So it’s a tricky one to mind our mam. But we have to mind her. Today I had a moment of panic. What if I got sick, what if my sisters got sick. Who would look after my mam?

I had a little tear and then thought this through. My mam has not been out or about in a fair while ( mam likes to stay in looking at four in a bed and location location 😂). We are all taking precautions, getting the shopping in for mam, collecting prescriptions, making sure she is ok and today my sister gowned up and went in to take mams temperature and reassured us all was well. She sent a picture and that was when I cried.

I think it was then that the seriousness of the situation hit me.

I was due a mammogram at the end of the month. I was waiting and looking forward to this hoping that the results would be good and for another year I could carry on. But I completely understand the necessity to cancel. I have never complained about our health service and I am certainly not going to start now.

But for the first time I did Internet grocery shopping. I suppose I always try to be brave, be strong, be positive. Over the last few weeks people have been saying to me that I need to mind myself, stay in, avoid shops. But me being me up to last night, taking precautions, I was going shopping.

Then it changed last night when I spent my shopping time running away from groups of young adults and a family of five with no spacial awareness hogging the frozen aisle, of which I reversed out of very fast, but then everywhere I went they seemed to be there.. Again hogging the aisle.

I suppose I realized really only today that I am vulnerable. I am not invincible. I wish I could volunteer to help in some capacity but I need to look after myself aswell.

This is so surreal. I am proud of my two children, teenagers who would not even contemplate trying to meet their friends. I am proud of my niece and nephew aged 7 and 9 who are simply accepting how things are and getting on with it. I am proud of my sisters and brother, my sisters on the front line and my brother in Boston doing his bit in research. I am proud of my husband just going out to work while he can and not complaining. I am proud of my friends and family and all those who are strangers to me. All those thousands of people who in all their different fields of work are looking after you and me, not looking for thanks, not looking for praise, not looking for admiration, just doing their jobs.

So if you have the opportunity to say “Thank You”, than say it. Say thank you to the young lad serving you with a smile on his face, say thank you to the lady who unknown to you is worrying about her elderly mam but still greets you in her normal friendly manner, say thank you to the lady or gent on the end of the phone in your doctors surgery, please don’t complain to them, can you imagine the stress, say thank you to your pharmacist and staff and please try to support them by ordering your meds in loads of time, say thank you to those in the social services. Can you even begin to imagine the pressure with so many thousands of people all of a sudden signing on. Say thank you to anyone you know who is helping us through this.

And above all else please follow instructions and do as you are told. Follow procedures as directed. Please stop spouting tripe and muck on social media, it is not helping! Please keep your kids from going out. It won’t kill them to stay in but it might kill someone if they go out.

It is a tough time for all of us. Tonight I saw a report whereby the example of pandoras box was used. I smiled and remembered my dad at a time telling me about Pandoras Box. He told me that when all the crap and shite and bad stuff was left out then one thing remained inside.. That being “Hope”.

So hope is what we need to do. Hope that by the end of this we will have survived, we will have learnt maybe what really counts, we will be a better society. And I really hope that when this is all over and we carry on that you won’t forget what all those selfless people did for you, how they kept this country running and how out health service workers in all capacities put you first and never questioned it once.